Why tantrums happen

• Toddlers feel strong emotions like anger and frustration, but do not yet have the words or skills to manage them.

• Their brains are still building self-control. This takes time.

• Tantrums are not bad behavior. They are a sign your child needs your help with big feelings.

What to do in the moment

• Stay calm. Your calm helps your child calm down. If you get loud or upset, the tantrum often gets bigger.

• Name the feeling. Try, “You really wanted that toy. You are upset.” This helps your child feel understood.

• Keep everyone safe. If your child hits or runs, hold them gently until they settle.

• Stay close. Your presence is calming, even if they push you away at first.

• Try not to take it personally. Your child is not trying to upset you. They are having a hard time.

Head off tantrums before they start

• Plan ahead for hard times of day, like leaving the house. Get things ready early.

• Offer simple choices. “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” Choices give a sense of control.

• Use humor. Being silly can break the tension.

• Try “first, then.” “First we put on shoes, then we go outside.”

• Notice and praise good behavior.

• Keep regular routines, sleep, and meals. A tired or hungry toddler melts down more easily.

When to talk to your doctor

• Tantrums are very frequent, very long, or very intense for your child's age.

• Your child often hurts themselves or others.

• You feel worried or unsure how to help.

What you can do now

• Pick your battles. Decide which limits really matter.

• Stay calm and name feelings, even when it is hard.

• Build in routines and rest to prevent rough patches.

Learn more from trusted sources

Zero to Three, Toddler Tantrums 101

Zero to Three, Pro Tips for Managing Tantrums